BLOG #1......Who am I?

My name is Harmony Rebekah Lauritzen. I was born on November 29th, 1981 in Mansfield, Ohio. I had 3 brothers growing up. I always had 2 parents and we never moved from our house in the country. I grew up in the LDS, (Mormon), church. I graduated High School in June of 2000. 7 months later, in January of 2001, when I was 19, I joined the U.S. Army. I was stationed in Hawaii for 3 1/2 years. After that, it gets a little tricky...
A lot of things have happened between July 2004, when I left the military, and today, January 2010. I have lost all of my remaining grandparents. I have lost my older brother. I have lost 2 children. All of these happened in a different way. I have also lost contact with my remaining family, lost my spirituality and my faith in humanity. I have been abused, lied to, stabbed in the back and otherwise beaten down until I feel nothing anymore.
The purpose of this blog is to get me to a place again where I feel something. I feel nothing right now, I don't even feel sadness or heartache. I know that I need to in order to forgive others and move on with my life. I know that I need to feel pain in order to feel healing. But, I'm not ready to yet.
I'm not a psychologist, I only know that sometimes people need to do this alone. This journey will take many parts. I am overweight. I hate my job. I don't go to church. I stay inside and play video games all day. There are going to be some major life changes happening here.
You may ask yourself "What has inspired this girl?" Well people, it was Conan O'Brien. I have been watching his show since I was in middle school. What he did last Friday, by walking away from his dream because he believed in something, that inspired me. The way his freinds, family and fans have reacted has inspired me. But most of all, it was his speech:

And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational.

To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism- it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. --Conan O'Brien 1-22-10

I will live by these words. These words will inspire me as to what I need to do in my life to...to let me LIVE again!!

Wish me luck. There are going to be days where I'm super pumped-up, and then there are going to be down days. Those are the days that I will need you. But I promise you this, no matter how "down" I get, I will still log in here everyday to see you posts, and to try and re-inspire myself through this great man. Thankyou COCO!!

--Harms
1-31-10